From Conflict to Connection

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling wounded?

Replaying those hurtful words over and over in your mind?

We've all been there, letting someone else's remarks dictate our mood, our self-worth, even our actions.

But here's the surprising thing. The reason why words feel hurtful has nothing to do with the words themselves, but from our own thoughts about them.

Let's explore this together.

Picture someone says something that feels like a punch to the gut. We're immediately stressed, maybe even angry.

But wait a second. Those were just... words.

Words are just vibrations in the air or symbols on a screen. How can words evoke such strong emotions?

It’s becuase the source of our emotion is coming from inside us.

We're the ones assigning meanings, predicting doom, and sometimes, without even realizing it, suiting up for an emotional battle.

But what if there's another way?

This Sufi Comic is about approaching challenging interactions in a different way:

Art by Charbak Dipta

The Quran encourages us to respond back with goodness.

"Repel evil with what is better. Then the one who was your enemy will become your dearest friend." (Quran 41:34)

But how do you respond when you’re feeling hurt? And your mind is racing with negative thoughts.

Here’s a process I learned from Nonviolent communication to be helpful. Instead of jumping into defense mode, we can try something different:

1. Tune into your feelings and name them. Are you feeling hurt, rage or fear?

2. Acknowledge them (yes, even the uncomfortable ones). You’re feeling these feelings because certain needs are not met.

3. Identify your needs. Are you needing respect? Understanding? Maybe just a bit of reassurance?

When we take time for self-reflection, we realize our feelings don't come from others' words, but from our own unmet needs. This realization changes how we see things. Instead of feeling like victims of what others say, we become more capable of addressing our own needs.

As we practice this awareness, we start to take back control of our emotions. The words that once seemed to dictate our mood begin to lose their power over us. We start to see them differently: as expressions of the other person's feelings and experiences, rather than as statements about our own worth.

Now here's where it gets interesting. Once we've gained insight into our own emotional landscape, we're better equipped to explore others.

Try to do the same for the other person. What are they feeling? What do they need in this situation?

This isn't about excusing bad behavior. It's about seeing the human behind the words.

The Magic of Connection

When we shift our focus from defending to connecting, something amazing happens. We move from creating negative mental images and stories in our head. We're not just reacting anymore; we're engaging.

And once we're grounded in that connection, it shifts our perception of the other person, and the situation.

We’ll see the interactions become opportunities for growth and understanding, not threats to avoid.

Practical Steps to Peaceful Responses

• Take a deep breath before responding

• Ask yourself: "What am I really feeling and needing right now?"

• Consider: "What might the other person be feeling?"

• Respond to the need, not just the words

Remember, it's not about the words thrown at us; it's about our inner response to them.

We have a choice in every interaction. We can choose not just to respond, but to understand and connect.

So the next time someone's words sting, pause. Breathe. And ask yourself: "What's really going on here?"

Listen with your heart, not just your ears. You might hear something new.